Last time I posted I felt that I was balancing on the knifes edge and was feeling pretty negative, well I’m feeling darn good today and I plan on enjoying it. My legs have not been as bad the last couple of days, the swelling in my knees is going down and the pain in them is tolerable. This improvement has made such a mental difference as the pain was really beginning to get me down.
Having my pain levels go down has made the biggest difference as it is the pain that I struggle to deal with the most. I can cope with my body spasming, tremoring and getting into unnatural positions but the pain is what I can’t cope with. Normally it would be my jaw that causes the unbearable pain, so at least having it in my knees made a change.
I am now on half term, which mean no college and no riding 😦 however I know that it is best just to let my body rest and recover this week, before I throw myself back into everything head first next week. On a positive note I made into college last week!! After being too ill to go in the week before I was determined to drag myself out of bed and into college – trying to get dressed whilst my legs where on strike was interesting but I managed it and it was the best thing I could have done. I know that I tire very easily these days but doing normal things like college make me so happy.
As I have mentioned before my cousin David and his friend Sam are running the London marathon for The Dystonia Society in April. I woke up to see a small article had been written on them in their local newspaper (Somerset). Its so positive to see awareness of Dystonia spreading!
I often say that I wish I could see inside my brain so I could have a better understanding of what exactly is going on. As other than all the medical jargon I have no idea what exactly it is doing…this picture describe it perfectly and makes me smile.
I feel like I am balancing on the knifes edge and that at any moment I could fall. My Dystonia alien and my Lyme Disease had really managed to lull me into a sense of ‘normality’, and over this past week have decided to send me flying to the edge of the knife filled with dread. Up until very recently I had coped rather well with everything, but everything seems to have gone out the window now.
Whilst I have remained seizure free there have been a few moments recently where I have felt right on the edge of one. Last Monday my mother and my little sister spent half an hour looking after me and talking non stop to try to keep me conscious. This has not happen in quite a while and was a shock to all of us. My legs have been bad recently, to the point that last week I did not make it into college on either day, which was to me a big defeat in my battle against the two conditions.
Whilst the pain is bad and gets me down, it is the unknown that I struggle to deal with. My body has progressed and regressed so many times, and each time I deal with it. However it gets harder to do so each time, and right now I have no idea which way my body is going to swing. It may pull through this horrid period and be absolutely fine or it may take a nose dive.
I know there is not much I can do other than stay positive but I can’t help but be scared. Hopefully this is just a bad period and soon my mind will be put at rest.
On Tuesday I went up to London to see my lovely neurologist. It was overall an extremely positive appointment. I was very much in need of my Botox injections as in the days leading up to it my Jaw spasms were back. I had my usual six injections (eyes, jaw and neck) and then two my calf. We are hoping that injecting Botox in my calf will prevent the spasms that cause my feet to turn upside down.
I like to keep myself busy, but my neuro has really stressed to me that this is something that has to take a step back for now. I need to slow down, and do less than what I am doing. Doing too much puts me at risk of running myself down and making my condition worse. This is not the first time I’ve been told this but I am really going to try to work on in this now. I don’t want to put myself backwards, I want to keep going forwards and if slowing down is what it takes then I’m going to make a conscious effort to do so.
I’m not seeing him again until the 18th March, which is 7 weeks from when I saw him on Tuesday. I would normally see him every 6 weeks for my injections but there was no clinic on the 11th. This concerns me slightly as the spasms in my jaw tend to come back around week 5, and I don’t want the pain causing a seizure or interrupting my college commitments. However I have not had a seizure in a while so I am hoping that if I fill myself up with painkillers then I should be fine.
This weekend, I went out and saw friends. Now it was just at a mates house watching movies with them all, so I’m hoping this doesn’t count as overdoing it!? It was so great to sit back and have a laugh, and just feel like me again! I can do a lot more now in comparison to a year ago, but activities like yesterday make me feel like I am still in there somewhere, Dystonia and Lyme Disease have not truly taken over.