The start of last week I found myself stood in front of the walk-ins reception desk, politely frustrated. The receptionist, with her raised in exasperation eyebrows, questioning loudly my reason for being there. Yes it did sound ridiculous. Who attends a hospital for a dislocated jaw, then loses consciousness while inhaling penthrox and comes too no longer on the a&e trolley but face first on the floor with two nurses helping your brain fogged self back to bed; before swiftly relocating you and discharging you despite protests of I think I’m hurt. Then presents at the unit 3 days later complaining of pain. I get it I sound mad. In one final attempt to be taken seriously I lift my top up, lowering the left side of leggings and underwear, revealing the deep purple bruising that consumes the left side of my body.
I feel embarrassed and humiliated. To have had to expose my body in a packed waiting room so as to be taken seriously is maddening. However this is isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. In that same visit I was criticized by drs and told my pain threshold must be low as my walking wasn’t bad enough for serious damage He soon ate those words. People forget that I live every day in pain, this happens even in situations like this where we’ve just discussed my conditions and the professional has glossed over my issues rather than accepting my offer to explain further. I wake up and relocate the joints that came out over night every morning. My baseline of daily pain is that of most healthy person’s A& E trip level.
Between my hip/leg damage, general nerve damage and nerve flare from my Botox I’m doing my best to pace and get through the day slowly. It’s tiring but worth it. So much awareness is still needed in this world.
I’ve not had to resort to Lorazapam this week for managing my jaw spasms/dislocations (yet). So far my usual meds and my Dr ordered bandage support, are doing the job along with Damon relocating it when needed. I hadn’t realised just how much the Lorazapam had been affecting me until it started to work its way out my system.
Now this isn’t a surprise. Clonzepam and Diazepam are listed as allergies for me as they cause psychotic reactions when I take them. It seem to be a family of meds I don’t get along with but unfortunately need at some point now and then unless we find a better alternative to turn to. This time it was like someone had extinguished all hope. Even though my Dystonia is well controlled these days, the fact that my Ehlers-Danlos is getting worse seemed unmanageable. Crushing. Uncontrollable.
Now that it’s out of my system I can see how much of an affect it was having. Yes my EDS is on a downwards spiral at the moment, but we’re adapting and I am blessed with a supportive Fiancé and family who are helping me. My life is very much one full of hope and love. It’s helpful that I have my blog to turn to read to myself on bad days.
Botox is on Friday which I’m much looking forward to. I cannot wait to take these bandages off.
Last night I spent hours upon hours sitting in my local hospital A&E waiting room. I witnessed paramedics having to treat patients on board their vehicles as the hallways were already overflowing. Drs were having to discuss treatment and admit/discharge from the waiting room. It was heartbreaking. I’d have left if it weren’t for the fact my jaw had been out for three days and desperately needed relocating.
When I was called through, the Dr passed me the penthrox and told me to use it for five minutes and she’d me round to relocate me after. They left the curtain open to keep an eye on me. I vaguely remember feeling giggly. I’ve had this medicine a few times and that’s my normal response. But never this long. Next thing I know I’m coming round having lost consciousness and somehow ended up on the floor. They quickly got me back on the chair, manipulated my jaw into place and bandaged me up. The bandages must remain on now untill I see my neuro.
I mentioned at the time I had considerable pain on my left pain but this was ignored. Despite falling unconsciously and somehow to the floor they never thought to look me over. I now have a significant bruise, my pain is high and I’ll be heading to the walk in tomorrow to get checked over. When I was diagnosed with EDS it was impressed on to that swelling and bad bruising always need to be looked at.
Whilst I appreciated the hospital was indeed ran off its feet. People like myself with chronic complex conditions can’t afford to slip through the net. I hope the demand eases off them soon.