After receiving several messages across various social media platforms regarding the pictures I’ve been posting, I figured it was time I addressed them. The quick answer to your questions is I found a really great guy.
Who is he?
Meet Damon, my ridiculously wonderful boyfriend. He’s rather fantastic, and sees my chronic illness as just part of me being ‘unique’. Whether I’m twitching and hitting him, panicking about new symptoms, or worrying about hitting my preorder requirements he’s supportive and helps to keep me grounded and calm. He has an ability to make me giggle no matter my pain levels, and understands that I would always much rather laugh at my conditions than make a big deal out of it.
Is he Coffee shop guy?
Nope he isn’t. However, our first date did start off in Costa Coffee. We sat across from each other and had a fab laugh before heading down to the local museum where I promptly spilt the remainder of my coffee down the front of my jeans. He had to spend the next few hours walking around with me looking like I had had an accident. Luckily Damon is equally as clumsy as myself, so laughing off incidents like this is a frequent occurrence.
How come you haven’t blogged about him?
Well I have mentioned him briefly in a blog a couple of weeks back. But I decided to hold off on blogging about him whilst our relationship developed. I’m blessed that not only does he understand that I don’t want my illness to hinder my life but that I also need to pace myself (which as you all know I am rather terrible at). He is really good at reminding me not to use my spoons up, and checking that I am physically up to whatever we have planned that day.
One of my favorite comments on social media recently stated that they loved my recent blog post but when would I be posting another dating failure as they tickled her. Well here you go! Indulge and delight in my rather hideous taste in men.
This happened before Christmas and there are so many aspects of this date which were hideously embarrassing. This is one of the few dates that I have cut short, after simply losing my patience. It was a first date in the middle of the afternoon over coffee. After twitching and rather violently hitting the wall behind me I felt like I should explain slightly further my left arms unpredictability. “So like, if you twitched and hit me during sex, does that mean I get to spank you?” What should have been a two-minute discussion before returning back to normal pleasantries resulted in a passionate, at least on my side, debate on why it was not okay to ‘punish’ me for twitching.
Now I have no issue with people being into kinky bits and bobs in the bedroom, if that’s what you like then go for it. However, don’t you dare ever suggest that you should be allowed to ‘punish’ me for something that is completely beyond my control. I’m quite used to people bringing sex up on dates, normally they just want reassurance that I’m not going to turn around and say I cannot possibly do that. Which is fine, I am more than happy to have an open and frank discussion about it. What I cannot wrap my head around is that on a first date someone is willing to debate in a coffee shop the fact that I’m saying no you may not sexually punish me for being ill.
As you can imagine I made my excuses and left not long after it became apparent that he couldn’t see my view point.
The other month I posted a blog on disabled dating. I finally admitted to you all that I had been approached by the Undateables TV show. Being asked to appear on this show knocked my confidence. I felt as if this was perhaps the only way I would be able to meet anybody; that just maybe this was all I was worth. This show is great for some people, I understand that, but for me it was an insult.
Shortly after this I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be a complete sleezebag, and that’s putting it politely. These two incidents combined completely set my confidence back. I felt as if dating was completely out the window, that I really was undateable. Part of me wondered if maybe I was just someone people looked at with repulsion. After all, if I struggle to stay calm with my misbehaving limbs, how could anyone tolerate them or find me attractive?
At the start of May I met my boyfriend Alex, in the local pub. I cannot put into words the satisfaction and joy I feel at having met him in such a normal way. At first I expected listing my many conditions to him would cause him to go running to the hills. Imagine my surprise when he actually knew what some of them were, and better yet, didn’t mind when my arm went flying out violently to the side. He is patient and understanding, and doesn’t mind which of my different aids I’m using to get about that day. What is best is that he allows me to feel normal, not a feeling I’m used to but one that I love. I feel like a normal 22 year old. I don’t think I could ask for more!
So I’m closing the chapter on the Undateables, forgiving them and moving on. I’ve got a brand new wave of confidence and it’s time to write a new page.